don’t really know what i am supposed to do now. i haven’t felt this lost since the time before i moved to LA for a bit. i have no clue what to do. i prayed last night for the first time in a long while. sorry God, i know i’ve been slacking. i was driving home from my friends house where i managed to have struck a conversation with his sister, with whom i don’t usually interact with. convo got deep. suffice to say, i have her in my prayers. but that conversation got me thinking about what the purpose of life is. i know it’s to bring God glory and to share the gospel but sometimes it’s just so hard doing that. I mean i love God and all but i am in no way a perfect model of what a christian person is supposed to be. i have my vices, i don’t read my bible nearly enough, i backslide so often i feel like i’m running on a icy hill. i just need guidance. man, it was so weird. i had a dream last night. it was orientation day at some oil rigging company. fyi, for my imaginary audience in the internet world, i’ve been contemplating two choices.
- oil rig in alberta and make fat stacks.
- Pros: fat stacks, a chance to pay of my ridiculous student loan/debt, good way to save money for the future oh and did i mention fat stacks?
- Cons: it might be the shittiest job that i will ever have to do
2. Australia for a bit
- pros: it’s summer there right now, get a chance to travel, adventure, surf and australian women
- cons: i don’t have fatty stacks
so, it’s pretty crazy that i got a dream about rigging last night right? is that what i’m supposed to do then? it’s driving me crazy. whether it’s alberta or australia one thing is for sure tho: it would be so legit to get out of this place right now.
i love vancouver. it’s home. it’s just, i feel the need to bounce for a bit. running away from something? maybe life. reality, whatever you wanna call it. need to escape.
i’ve been trying to figure things out on my own. no help from God, no help from anyone, just me. no wonder i haven’t really answered anything. but anyway, i’m sorry God for everything that’s been going on the last little while. just trying to figure out life and i need You. life is tough as it is, need grace. and to whoever might be reading, pray for me as well. i could definitely use it.
